My Independence Day

Swollen feet and cankles......

2010-08-19T14:24:00.000-07:00

I have been soooooooo swollen!!! I have cankles and everything! I wear shoes and have the imprint in my feet for like 30 minutes after I take them off! And dont you love the pedicure! My two girls were so sweet and rubbed my feet and gave me Watermelon toenails! :) Only 3 weeks to go! Hopefully she will work with me and come next Thursday after my first week of nursing school is over!!!

Adam's Baptism

2010-08-19T13:57:00.000-07:00

I dont know how many people know but my Adam was not a member of the church. He actually was raised a non denominational Christian and his parents are both Christian Pastors. Adam made the decision to marry me and his family has turned their backs on him due to this. After a long last couple of years my sweet husband was baptised last night. I am so proud of him for so many reasons. A year ago he started to take the discussions and things were just not right. I have not pressured him at all to join the church and have encouraged him to take things at his own pace. This past spring he called the missionaries and asked them to continue the discussions with him. He has been so faithful and would take different church doctrine to work with him and read during his breaks and his lunches. He would come home and I would find him sitting at the table with a book in front of him and a pencil so he could mark things he had questions about. It was a process for him to get baptised because his current work schedule has him working weekends but after ALOT of prayer and determination he was cleared to be baptised.

Adam has been such a wonderful example to me and to alot of people around him. He is such a wonderful person and I know that this was not easy for him to do. Being baptised into the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints probably means that any hope of a relationship with his earthly family(parents and siblings) will be no more. There is so much hope now for our family and progressing towards an eternal family. In a year we will be able to be sealed together for time and all eternity. I am so grateful to my wonderful family that has loved Adam and cheered him and our family on through all of our trials. I am especially thankful to my father who has taken so much of his precious time and poured it into Adam's spiritual education. He has answered every question that Adam has had and given him so much. I am grateful to my Heavenly Father who knows me and Adam. He has blessed us in so many ways. I am grateful to him for giving my husband the faith to be baptised. Having Adam baptised before our baby girl is born was so important to me. We have so much to look forward to.

Our Family, be kind!!! I am 37 weeks prego and I am SOOOOOOO SWOLLEN!!!!

Adam and our Bishop.

Adam and my brother Sterling who confirmed him a member.

Adam and my dad before the baptism

Daddy's Birthday lunch with Grammy

2010-08-19T13:51:00.000-07:00

Savannah lost a tooth eating her corn on the cob!

Adam and his gooooods

Thanks mom for taking all 7 of us to lunch!!!

Baby Shower

2010-08-19T13:41:00.000-07:00

We had a great shower and Baby girl West got lots of goods! Thanks to everyone who came and a special thanks to my amazing sister Jen!!!

My Sister is amazing!

Thanks again to my wonderful sister, mother and great friend Cara :)

31 weeks and still no name

2010-07-08T14:45:00.001-07:00

So I am 31 weeks and we still do not have a named picked out for baby girl West! If you have any good girl names please post them! I am starting to freak a little. :)

Baby Girl West

2010-05-30T10:17:00.000-07:00

So I know I have not posted anything yet but Adam and I are expecting our first baby together! We are having a little girl and could not be happier about that! This was so not planned but the Lord has a time for everything! I am almost 26 weeks pregnant and I am due the begining of September, ya right when 2nd block of nursing school resumes! Its all good and I am getting more excited every day.

Ok, so long time no post

2010-03-31T15:17:00.000-07:00

I have been SO busy in nursing school I hardly have time to breath let alone post on my blog! So much has been going on and I promise I will post again soon with lots of pictures! :)

Halloween Party

2009-10-27T09:45:00.001-07:00

So as I have mentioned before, my digital camera broke so I am stuck with my film camera. I stole some pictures of our halloween party off of my sisters blog! The theme was Pirates, except for the two girls, they were princesses. It was so fun. My mom is amazing and always makes sure that we have a good time. Thanks mom and dad!

The aftermath! Caralynn and Savannah were drenched! Their makeup was running and everything

Grandpa "helping" Caralynn out!

I rock! I got that apple in no time! I win again hahahahaha! :) Oh, and I have lost 30 pounds just so you know. :)

Here is grandpa teaching the the correct way.

Bobbing for apples, they really didnt understand the concept very well. They kept grabbing the stems with their teeth.

Max with his crazy eyes on! He is soooo cute, and can I just say how amazing Jen looks after just having a baby!

Here is our sultry pose! I didnt realize how BIG my lips are!

My mom was a good pirate wench! Nice teeth!

I love this picture! Emery and Max are good looking Pirates!

Nursing School

2009-10-14T12:30:00.000-07:00

So after a very long wait I was accepted into nursing school yesterday! I am going to be starting Spring Semester at MCC. I am so grateful to all of my family and friends that have loved and supported me and the kids through the last few years. Especially my mom and dad, they helped me so much as I tried to get back onto my feet after my divorce and helped me so much with Caralynn and Braeden while I was going back to school. They supported me and built me up when my confidence was low and made me believe in myself again. I am so grateful for my loving husband that is so supportive of me. All I could do was cry when I found out. It is finally here. I know it is just school, but for me this was a big deal. After having someone beat you down for so many years and tell you how stupid you are and that you will never achieve anything it is a testament to myself that those things are untrue. I am so excited!!! :)

I stole pictures

2009-10-12T12:13:00.000-07:00

So I have so many pictures that I need to post, like seriously pictures for an entire year. I am going to do it I promise! My digital camera broke, maybe for Christmas santa will leave me one!!!!! I stole these pictures from my sisters blog :)It is my kids Remmi and Caralynn with my ADORABLE nephew Max. They are cute, just wanted to share..... and I promise LOTS of pictures to come.

Please

2009-10-09T13:59:00.001-07:00

Could you all keep our family in your prayers this next couple of weeks. Our family has hit a bump in the road and we are having some difficulties and need all of the prayers that we can get! Thank you so much!

It is one of those days, weeks, months..... YEARS

2009-08-20T14:19:00.000-07:00

So on top of the stomach flu my RAV4s AC went out. And guess what! It went out THE DAY AFTER THE WARENTY EXPIRED! I cried. Why cant anything be easy? Anything, just one thing be easy? I guess this is the Lords way of making us stronger? I will just go with that.

I am sick of poop

2009-08-19T14:12:00.000-07:00

All I have to say is 7 people, stomach flu, severe diahreha and 30 diapers in two days. I am sick of poop.

Happy Birthday Braeden!!!!

2009-08-04T13:49:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was Braeden's 4th birthday!!! I can not believe how old he is getting! He is such a big boy! After braeden being so ill as a baby and then almost losing him when he was 1 I have become very grateful to the Lord that he has let me keep this special boy for my own. He is so happy and positive. He loves to box and LOVES his trucks and cars. He loves his brothers and sisters and his daddy. He is growing up so much every day and I wish time would just slow down a bit. I love you Braedy!

Adam Weeeeeeeeeeest

2009-07-31T10:31:00.000-07:00

Yes, that is right! Adam officially changed his name this past Tuesday to Adam West! We are now Mr and Mrs Adam West! hahahaha, I love it! He is awesome and I love him so much! After all his family has done we only thought it right that he take on my name and the name of the family that loves and supports our new family and LOVES Adam! He is the best! And if you didn't know, Adam West was the first batman and he now does voices as himself on Fairly Odd Parents and Family Guy, he is so funny. So ya, my husband is a super hero! :)

weight loss week 3

2009-07-27T09:06:00.001-07:00

So today is my two week mark on the start of my diet. I have lost a total of 17 pounds! I am chugging along. I cant really tell a difference other than my pants are getting really baggy on me.I can tell in my face a little too. But YAY, I am losing about 8 pounds a week, not bad. :)

Weight loss check in

2009-07-20T10:37:00.001-07:00

So it has been one week since my weight loss start date. As of today I have lost 11.6 pounds! WOOOHOOOO! I am still chugging along and hoping that I keep doing this well!

Hospital visit

2009-07-20T10:27:00.000-07:00

So our house has been full of sickness lately, everyone got their turn at the stomach flu, other than me. Caralynn got it BAD, she was so sick and went two days without eating or drinking. Every time she would drink it would come right back up. Friday morning she looked horrible, she was pale and around her eyes were black. I went to work and Adam stayed with her, he was sick too. I got a call and Adam said her tongue was completely white and her lips were purple and cracking. I left and took her to the hospital. Her blood sugar had dropped to 41,REALLY REALLY LOW, and she was severely dehydrated. She had to be put on an IV for 6 hours and they were not going to let her go until her blood sugar went up. She hardly cried when she got the IV, she was so brave! I cried more than she did. I begged the doctors to let us go home, I did not want to have to stay in the hospital over night. We said a prayer together and they checked her blood sugar and it was up to 131. YAY, we got to go home! It was scary I didn't realize how quickly children can become severely ill and die with dehydration. The doctor said from the point that she was at when she came in children have been dead within 24-48 hours, FREAKY!

Happy Birthday Jarrett!!!

2009-07-20T10:23:00.001-07:00

Happy Birthday Jarrett! Jarrett is our youngest and he turns three today. He is such a happy boy. He is very head strong and stubborn. He likes to make people laugh and is one tough cookie. Happy birthday!!!

They love being brothers, unless they are fighting......

Me and my boy

Jarrett swimming, he is so happy and full of life

Week 1

2009-07-13T09:08:00.000-07:00

So here I am in all my glory! I will be posting weekly updates and pictures. This way I am accountable to not just myself, YAY!

And here is the side view, I really need to work on my arms and my tummy!

Here is the front view of all my fattness!!!!

Bowling

2009-07-13T08:49:00.001-07:00

So I work for a company called Inteli-Care, we provide in home services for developmentally disabled children. I have worked here for almost two years. It is a great job. I am in the office now as the Client Care Coordinator. I love my job. I get to go out to new client homes, welcome them, get to know our client and do initial intakes. Everything having to do with our clients is my job. I work very closely with the sate which is crazy. Well we have been doing monthly events and this last weekend we all went bowling. It was so fun and it was so good to see our clients interacting and having a good time. These kids and families are so amazing. I come home every day so grateful for what I have.

Here is Braeden trying to bowl by himself! He actually did really well!

Josh- my boss and co owner of Inteli-Care, Jenna- our administrative assistant, Mo- co owner and director of our New Mexico offices and Me- client coordintator, I was the only one not wearing our shirts!

Adam, me, Caralynn and Braeden- our other three were not able to be there, but we had tons of fun!!!! Adam is being his charming and silly self!

Im losing

2009-07-07T13:46:00.000-07:00

Weight that is!!! So as many of you know, I lost about 60 lbs last year, very quickly! I was so proud of myself. Well I still had about 40 lbs to go and after all the stress I have had lately add about 10 more to that now! So I have 50 lbs to go to be at my dream weight. So I have a plan, I have court against my ex this Friday, the last court date that we will have for a while, hopefully! My stress level should decrease dramatically! Well as a gift to ourselves Adam and I are joining a gym and I am gonna gung ho it! My goal, if I can do as well as I did last time, is to lose about 10 lbs a week. I get extreme, I will work out for about 2-3 hours a day and put myself on a strict diet starting Saturday. I am hoping doing this will shock my body and I will be able to lose the weight quickly and get myself out of this rut that I am in. If I can make my goal I will have lost 100 lbs total! Yay! My friend and co worker, Jenna, is going to be taking my picture once a week. I am going to post my fatness on my blog and my progress!!! I am so ready for this. Once I get going I know I can do it! So stay tuned and hopefully you will see me make my goal!!!

So

2009-06-16T13:43:00.000-07:00

I am going to rant for a little bit and let everyone know how happy I am at the same time! Adam and I were married in January and joined two families together, thats alot of work right. Well adding to that was two JERKY ex's. We both have Winner's when it comes to our ex's, I mean REAL WINNER'S, if anyone knows my ex you can only imagine the wonderful qualities that Adam's ex possesses. Anyway, enough of my evilness. The day we got married his ex decided that she all of the sudden wanted to be a part of the kids lives again and was VERY upset that Adam had married me, I mean I am a MORMON!!!!! Well she decided that she was going to try and get back at Adam and I by filing for sole custody of the kids and saying just really mean untrue things, she is a HUGE liar, that is one of her better qualities :). Our marriage has been full of court battles and alot of fear and heartache. We had the custody battle back in April and Adam kept his custodial rights as the primary parent but she did get more parenting time.

Well, this woman is ALL about the money and was SO excited that she got more parenting time that she asked the judge at the end "So this means my child support is going down right, you can do that right now right?" The judge looked at her with somewhat of a scowl and said um no, you need to reevaluate that separately. Well what do you think happened? She went down the next day and filed to reevaluate child support. In the mean time she stopped paying her child support in hopes that it was going to go down so low. She was expecting it to be $191.00 for THREE children!!!! Ridiculous, I know. Well we got the paperwork and both of us just cried that we were going to have to go to court again, we told her not to file, that she would end up owing way more than she paid now. Did she listen? No, of course not. She KNEW her child support would go down, she is just so smart you know. I mean woman, My father is an attorney, I went through the divorce from you know where and came out shining, I know what I am doing and after her actions in the prior months I was ready to fight to the DEATH! BWAHAHAHAHA, that is my evil laugh :). Well my dad had a wonderful attorney to help us and I spent hours getting all of the paperwork ready. We went to court yesterday and she lost, badly. By the end she was pleading with the judge to keep her child support the same. She has to pay $100 more a month and basically ran out of the court room with her tail between her legs. Now those of you who know me know that I am a nice and loving person. Well this woman has caused me and my brand new family alot of grief and heartache and I am being mean for a day and celebrating her defeat!

2009 Reunion

2009-06-03T11:49:00.000-07:00

Mom and Caralynn at moms birthday party. I think Caralynn looks so beautiful in this picture.

My adorable nephew Max asleep in the hammock, he is SO cute!

Braeden the cowboy!!!! He is getting so big, he wears size 5 pants and he is only 3!!!

MY moms side of the family had a reunion this past weekend. Adam and I sadly could not attend, but my mom and dad took Caralynn and Braeden up with them. They had a real blast and from what I hear my little Caralynn girl is a real cowgirl! These are some pictures that I snagged off of my sisters blog! I will get more when mom gets back. I should have something fun to post after this weekend, Adam and I are going up to the cabin to see mom and my two kiddos!

Happy Birthday Baby Girl!!!!

2009-04-22T09:09:00.001-07:00

It is Caralynn's birthday today!!! She is six years old! I can not believe that I have a six year old!!! She is developing into such a wonderful and sweet big girl! She has grown like a weed this year and has had alot of firsts as well. She is one of my best friends and we have both been through alot together over the past few years. She has been my comfort during some really hard times and I am so gratful that the Lord blessed me with her. I love you baby girl!!!!

Here are some things that happened over the past year:

She got to spend lots of time with Grammy at the cabin

She got her first baby cousen! (she is a great BIG cousen to Max)

She has developed quite a sense of humor

She has been an awesome big sister!

She started kindergarten!!!!!

She got a sister :)

She lost all four of her front teeth!

Oh no, say it aint SOOOOO

2009-04-21T14:23:00.000-07:00

It looks like summer is on its way :(

Forecast for today

SunnyHigh 99°F
Sunny and hot. Highs 96 to 101. East wind 5 to 10 mph in the morning...Becoming south in the afternoon.

Sterl

2009-04-02T10:00:00.000-07:00

My brother Sterling is the best, seriously. I am so happy to have him home from his mission and so are my kids. Sterl took this flipping cute picture of him and Braeden up at the cabin. It is kinda freaky how alike they look, minus the toehead hair on Sterl and glasses on Braeden! I love you Sterl and thank you for all that you do for me and my family!!!!!

Peepee like a big boy

2009-03-27T09:42:00.000-07:00

So I know that I absolutely stink at blogging, I admit this. Joining two families together has been one of the most stressful, frustrating and overwhelming things that I have had to do thus far, excluding my divorce. The sets of kids team up against each other, they are dealing with feelings of possession issues, jealousy, anger, sadness and selfishness. It is completely understandable and Adam and I are trying our best to help them overcome these issues and remain calm knowing that this too shall pass.

Well yesterday I got home with all five kids and was helping Caralynn do her homework when I heard the patter of little feet above my head. This could mean only one thing, THE BOYS ARE IN MY ROOM OR BATHROOM! They have had problems getting into my makeup and doing artwork on my walls. I took off running up the stairs thinking I would find painted faces but instead I found this..........

Yes, they were going potty together. Braeden has been potty trained for a year and we are working with Jarrett on it right now. I saw them, snuck away and grabbed my phone. When I asked what they were doing Braeden explained "I am trying to show Jarrett how to pee pee like a big boy. He is my new brudder." This melted my heart. I don't know why, but it gave me alot of hope. Anyway, my kids are great and I will TRY to update more often. :)

My miracle boy

2009-02-11T07:47:00.000-08:00

So two years ago tomorrow, February 12th, was one of the most horrifying day's of my life as a mother. I have not talked about it much because it is really hard for me and remembering it brings the same fear and pain as that very day.

My mom had both of my kids while I was at school and she had gotten them McDonald's kids meals and taken them to her house to help Caralynn work on her Valentines for preschool. I got home from school to find both kids in good moods eating their chicken nuggets. Braeden got done and wanted to go outside and play. The first thing that we always do when we get to my parents house is close and lock the pool gate. That day however my parents were having brick placed in their back yard and my mother had told the men that if they opened the pool gate they needed to shut and lock it after them. My mom had closed the gate before she had left with the kids earlier. So Braeden put his shoes on and opened the door to go outside. I looked at the pool gate and my mom said it was already closed. The workers had gone on lunch, so no worries.

Caralynn started whining and she wanted to go outside as well. I got her socks and shoes and started putting them on when my mom looked over at me and said "I haven't heard Braeden, go check on him." I didn't think much of it and told her he was probably over playing in the playhouse. She insisted that I go check on him. I stood up from putting Caralynn's shoes on and looked at the window. Both of the dogs were inside of the pool area. My heart immediately sunk. I opened the door and looked closer to see my baby boy floating on his back in the pool. All I remember is screaming "My Baby" and jumping in the pool. He was trying so hard to kick. I grabbed him and put him on the pool deck. My mom had ran outside with the phone. I jumped out of the pool and she grabbed him and started stripping off his clothes. I called 911 and she took him over to the pool table and started doing compressions. He started throwing up water, which was a good sign. Then he started passing out though, my mom wrapped him up in blankets and took him inside to her bed. The paramedics got their very quickly and they took his body temperature and it was 86%. My poor baby was going unconscious and blue. My mom went in the ambulance with him. I sat on the kitchen floor, soaking wet, and sobbed. Caralynn was in shock, she came over and sat with me.

Braeden had to stay in the hospital overnight for observation and a few days later got pneumonia, but he was alive. One of the firefighters said that their is a 1/10,000 chance of him falling on his back instead of his tummy, and with the amount of clothes that he had on he should have been at the bottom of the pool.

This time of my life was very hard for me, I was getting divorced and my life was in complete shambles. I think that the Lord helped put my priorities into perspective for me. I know that the Lord helped my sweet baby turn on his back and I know that he gave my mother the inspiration to go out and check on him. It hit me hard to see how distant I had gotten from the spirit that his own mother couldn't feel the prompt to check on him. I know the Lord knew I could not lose my little boy and I know that he helped save my child. I am so deeply grateful for my heavenly Father and his constant "supervision" in my life. I am so grateful for my mom and how in touch with the spirit that she is. I am grateful for my sweet Caralynn and the joy that she brings me daily. I am blessed to have her. Braeden, my sweet boy, I am so lucky and blessed to have you in my life. You truly are a miracle.

I got married! :)

2009-02-02T08:30:00.001-08:00

So Adam and I have been engaged since October. We have actually planned on getting married a few times in the past couple months, but hey, I am a chicken in that department. Although I know that I love Adam and I am going to be with him forever, I was scared. The thought of possibly having to go through what I went through with Brian was utterly horrifying. Not to mention FIVE kids.
I was sitting at the park on Saturday, January 17th watching all five of our children playing and Adam sitting next to me holding my hand and all of the sudden I felt this overwhelming peace. I knew that I could do this. At that moment all of my worries and doubts left my head and I was filled with internal serenity. Having five kids is going to be really stressful at times and I probably will be pulling my hair out, but hey, thats why there is a little white pill called Xanex, heeheehee.
So after this "revelation" I got very excited, looked at Adam and said "Lets get married next week." He looked at me semi-shocked and said ok. I had to just do it or I might freak myself out about it. I needed simple and relaxed, the thought of planning a wedding right now was way too much to handle. I talked to my bishop the next day and everything was set. We were getting married. My wonderful mother and sister helped me relax by setting everything else up for me. They are awesome.
Saturday January 24th came, the kids all looked adorable, Adam looked flipping hot as heck and I looked, eh, ok. The ceremony was short and beautiful with some chaos. Braeden was upset and was running around during it. But it was alright, NO STRESS! I looked into my soon to be husbands eyes and repeated my vows to him and the tears just flooded. Here he is, my best friend and I am lucky enough to have him forever. All of the pain and heartache that I have felt over the last six years seemed to vanish. Everything is going to be just fine as long as I have this man by my side. My sweet Savannah saw me crying and started crying too, she couldn't understand shy mamma was sad. I explained later that I was crying because my heart was so happy, finally me and daddy were married and we could all be a family.
After the short ceremony, we signed our marriage license, ate some of the delicious brunch Jen and my mom made and got the kids changed so they could go to our ex's. So I am sorry that I didn't let everyone know that I was getting hitched, but maybe you can all understand a little more now. :) We are going to be taking pictures and sending out "We Got Married" announcements so be prepared!!!!!!!

Braeden turned three!!!

2008-12-04T13:20:00.000-08:00

Braedy turned three in August. I am so lucky to have that little man, he was such a sick baby. He learned how to swim like a fish this summer. After almost losing him a year and a half ago I had my mind set on him learning to swim. He is such a good boy and LOVES trucks, especially garbage trucks!

BOTH of my babies started school

2008-12-04T13:16:00.000-08:00

Its hard to believe it, but both my kids started school. I feel sooo old!! Caralynn started kindergarten and is doing AMAZING! She loves to come strait home and do her homework and pretend that she is a teacher. Braeden started preschool this year with Ms Hartmen. He loves going to school, most of the time, and is learning alot. He already knows all of his letters and numbers up to 10, shapes, colors and how to spell red. They grow up so fast!

My one and ONLY sister had a baby!!!!!

2008-12-04T13:09:00.000-08:00

He is Max and he is the cutest thing in the WORLD!!!!! My kiddos love him sooo much and are constantly asking me how Max is doing and when they can see him. They are the best cousins!!!

I um have FIVE kids

2008-12-03T09:32:00.000-08:00

We are not married yet, but the day will come. Together Adam and I have 5, count em 5, children. Yes some say we are crazy, maybe even nuts, but I would like to think of it as, um, we like to stay busy? No, but seriously, all five children are wonderful and I love them all. Remmington is Adam's oldest, he is six and he is very reserved and polite. My Caralynn comes next at five, she is our little miss busy body. Savannah follows at five as well, we share the same birthday HOW BIZARRE, she is very talkative and a sweetheart. Braeden is our number four at three years, he is our sensitive and sweet one. Coming in the rear is Jarrett at two years, he is cute as heck but is labeled our bully.

I fell in love :)

2008-12-03T09:17:00.001-08:00

Ya honestly never thought that would happen again, but after I had made the effort to better myself the Lord showed me that if I can get over the past and actually trust and love again it would be the most amazing thing in the world. I met Adam actually at the gym!!!! Good thing I was working out! He is also divorced and has sole custody of his three children. From the moment we met it was so different. He is so kind to me. He actually helps me too!!!! I know, I couldnt believe it either! He loves me regaurdless of my past or the "drama" that comes with a crazy ex husband!!!! He is a wonderful father and loves my kids like they are his own. I am so blessed that I met him and actually allowed myself to open up to him.

Oh ya and he is MASSIVELY strong too! I have no fears about crazies, you know what Im talking about, when I am with him!!!!! :)

My sweet Caralynn turned 5

2008-12-03T09:10:00.000-08:00

I can not believe I have a five year old. She is so big and has an attitude to match! She is one of my best friends and has helped me become a better person in so many ways. I cant believe how fast she is growing up.

She started kindergarten this year and is doing wonderful! She has gotten all A's and is reading really well. She is such a people person and loves to make friends. She has two kids that HAVE to hug her before she leaves from school. She is my sunshine! :)

So first, I am losing

2008-12-03T08:59:00.001-08:00

WEIGHT that is. I got to the point in March where I was soooo done being fat. So I put on my big girls pants and decided I needed a change. My weight was more than just fat, it was a reminder of everything that has happened in my life in the past few years and I am done living in the past. To date I have lost 70 pounds and hope that by March of 2009 I will reach the 100 mark. I feel so much better, physically and emotionally. I still have a long way to go, but I do say I am proud of myself!

Im a loser, I know

2008-12-03T08:56:00.000-08:00

So it has been a YEAR since I have posted anything on here, and oh what a year it has been!!! 2008 was a year of change for me. My life has finally turned around and I have so much to be thankful for. Im gonna post a bunch of pictures of things that have happened to me this year, and I will try my hardest not to let another year go past!!!!!

My paper

2007-12-06T23:15:00.000-08:00

So, I did a voluntary debate paper for my english class, it was extra credit. It had to be on a subject that I felt very strongly about. I chose to write about rapists and child molestors and the fact that punishment is not as strong as it should be. My baby girl was molested back in May and my family, as well as myself, have had alot of pain because of this and other circumstances. I wanted to share my paper with you, alot of you are moms and dads, aunts and uncles. The information I found was really scary.

Eng 102
12/4/2007

Rapists and child molesters, getting off too easy

“The serial killer has the same personality characteristics as the sex offender against children"-Dr. Mace Knapp, Nevada State Prison Psychologist.

Only 3% of child molestations that occur are committed by a stranger. That is

terrifying; our children are being raped and molested by people they know. They are

being hurt and abused by people that are supposed to love and protect them. In the case of

adult rape 38% are committed by a friend/acquaintance, 28% by an intimate partner, 7%

by a family member and 26% were committed by a stranger. Along with that 6 out of 10

rapes occur in the victim’s place of residence. Out of those rapes only 1 out of 16 rapists

will actually face jail time or even be convicted. I believe that the punishment for these

crimes should be much greater than they are now.

If we can provide harsh enough consequences it could cut down drastically on the

person doing it again as well as keep women, very few men and our children safe from

these disgusting crimes. If we can provide punishment the first time and get children help

when they have been molested I believe that it would cut rapes and molestation down

drastically. According to the United nations 2/3 of all prisoners convicted of rape or

sexual assault had committed their crime against a child and out of those 85% reported

being sexually assaulted some point in their lives. If we could do something to cut the

cycle, imagine what a difference it would have on thousands upon thousands of people.

About 10% of violent offenders with child victims received life or death sentences

and the average prison term was 11 years, somewhat shorter average sentences than

received by those with adult victims. That is for VIOLENT offenders, nonviolent

offenders can receive as little as 2 years. More than 1/2 of all convicted sex offenders are

sent back to prison within a year. Within 2 years, 77.9% are back. Recidivism rates range

from 18-45%, the more violent the crime the more likelihood of repeating it. Knowing

this the government still let violent offenders out on parole well before their release date.

Most criminals, serving non life sentences, are released up to two years before their

scheduled date of release. That is just wrong.

If these criminals had really served their time and were truly fearful of going back

to where they were, they would not be so quick to do it again. If they were afraid to go

back to prison, they would not even think about doing it again. 11 years is nothing in

comparison to what the victims have to face. The assaulter spends that time being taken

care of at the expense of tax payers when the person that they sexually assaulted will

never be the same. The victims will always have what was done to them in the back of

their heads. Some, with intense counseling, can put it far from their thoughts, but it never

leaves them. Trust of the opposite gender, sometimes the same, is never the same.

Children have developmental delays and emotional delays as well. 68% of homosexual

men were reportedly molested by men as children or teenagers. Their first sexual

experience was with a man and it changes their lives. Children that are victims tend to

grow up leading very promiscuous lives, being very sexual at a very early age. Victims of

sexual assault are left to deal with a huge fear of intimacy and as stated before some go

on to molest and rape as well. It is a horrible cycle that needs to be broken and I think our

government needs to step it up.

In my opinion, I think that first time sex offenders, depending on the severity of

the crime, should serve no less than 15-20 years in prison with some intense therapy. I

believe that they should also have to be responsible for ongoing therapy for themselves

after they are released. If they repeat the offense after release I think that the death

penalty would be appropriate. We, as society, gave them a chance to heal and deal with

whatever was causing them to be that way and if they take advantage of that I do not see

why they should continue to be a burden to society.

There is an issue with women, especially, making false rape alligations; it is a

small number ranging from 2-8% of rapes per year that are falsely reported. That is still

an innocent person being accused of a heinous crime. If our police and investigations

system is what is cracked up to be, it should not be hard to prove a false rape. I do think

that there needs to be adequate proof of rape and molestation for punishment. These few

people that are sick in the head enough to accuse someone of something so horrible and

basically mock all of those that have been victims of sexual assault, should receive

punishment as well. They are the reason that women, some men and children have to go

through intense investigation and humiliating tests to prove that something did happen.

This is one of the reasons that only 68% of rapes are actually reported. Why report

something when no one will believe you? The current numbers of people actually being

incarcerated is ridiculous.

In conclusion, I believe that current punishment in our society for sexual

offenders does not at all fit the crime. These people are drastically altering innocent

human lives. They destroy sweet and innocent children and humiliate and devastate adult

women and men. It is a life altering decision that they make when they decide to rape.

They are not only destroying their lives, but also the life/lives of the victim that they

abused. I believe that with adequate jail time as well as intense counseling in and out of

jail, these people could change. If not all together at least resist the urge to act out. We

live in very perverted times and this is one area that the government could have more

control over. If something doesn’t change the cycle will continue on and on.

2007-12-03T19:53:00.001-08:00

More Pictures!!!!

Utah

2007-12-03T19:31:00.000-08:00

So, my children, myself and my mamma went to Utah for a few days to see my little brother Russell perform in the Christams around the world program at BYU. He was amazing. I am so proud of him. It was so beautiful there. It snowed the day after we got there, it was so pretty. It was great to see my family and friends. My cousen Gwen got mad and told me I need to put more pictures up, so here you are Gwen!!!! ;)

I am greatful

2007-10-13T23:36:00.000-07:00

I just have to say how grateful that I am for everything that I have. I am so grateful for my wonderful and HEALTHY children. I recently started working with a company that does habilitation and respite care for disabled children and it is so wonderful, it is perfect for me. I am blessed to work with two special little boys.
The first is Sammy, he is eight years old and suffers from cerebral palsy, he is amazing. He is so willing to work and do his exercises and physical therapy with me, its great. Sammy's challenges are physical and he has a great chance of living a semi-normal life. He is so positive and happy ALL of the time. I want to be more like Sammy, look adversity in the eye and conquer it, never letting it get me down.
The next little boy that I work with is a four year old autistic boy named Kyle. He is the sweetest kid. He is half Japanese and is BEAUTIFUL. He struggles alot, doesn't speak hardly at all and has regressed over the past six months while he has been going to an autistic center during the day. He can be very difficult to handle if you don't have patience. He immediately attached to me when I started working with him, which is odd for kids with autism. I know the Lord has sent me into his life for a reason. Today when I was dropping Kyle off, he pulled my hand to sit down with him, he didn't want me to leave. I told him I had to go and picked him up and hugged him. He licked my cheek, I just kinda laughed it off until I looked at his mom. She was in tears. She said that used to be Kyles way of kissing someone before he regressed six months ago. She just sobbed and gave me a hug.
I know I am here to learn something from these kids. And so far they have taught me to be humble and that the Lord knows everything. They have taught me to be so grateful for my children. I love my kids so much and am so grateful that the Lord knows the trials that I am able to handle. I look at the mothers of these children with such admiration, they are amazing and will be the rock of their children's success. I am exhausted after working a 6-8 hour shift and I cannot imagine it being a full time, 24 hour job. I give major props to the parents of disabled children.

2007-10-03T21:01:00.001-07:00

And we miss him so much too!!!! Caralynn and I made a chart moving his head along the country of Argentina for the next year and a half!!! She has missed him so much!!!

2007-09-30T21:43:00.000-07:00

I just have to say that I miss my Russ alot!!!!! I love him so much and so do my kiddos!!!!!

2007-09-28T21:01:00.000-07:00

I just had to write something before I scream. I am too nice and I keep having hope in someone that I don't think has any good left in him. I have been so stupid the past couple of weeks. I was talking to a girl that was in one of my group counseling classes and she told me that she went back to her abusive husband THREE times!!!! I could not for the life of me understand that!!!! But about three weeks ago my ex approached me all nice and caring and told me that he wanted to be my friend for our children's sake and that he wanted to put our problems in the past and move on. I was so happy, I actually thought the Lord was actually answering one of my many prayers. Maybe he has changed, maybe what he did to me actually opened his eyes to the fact that he NEEDED to change. But of course, that was not his true prerogative and I was just being naive and thinking that he was really trying to do this for our children. He told me tonight that he deserved to have a second chance with me. I told him that was stupid and he didn't deserve anything from me. With that he started to yell and curse at me and told me that I was making him angry, ME, and that I was going to make him do something stupid. RIGHT THEN, my mind flew to the past, the HUNDREDS of times I have heard that same excuse for him loosing his temper. The excuse that I had MADE him angry, I made him get so upset, If I had just listened to him better he wouldnt have done what he had to do to me. I felt helpless and ashamed at first and just wanted to cry and then my strong side that has been through hell and back in the past year realized what he was doing and I got really angry! I told him that we could no longer attempt to be friends and that we just needed to do what was best for the children.
A few months ago I could not for the life of me understand why this woman in my class had gone back to her ex so many times. But tonight I realized that just after THREE weeks of Brian being back in my life somewhat he had me doubting myself and letting him gain some control over me. Urg, that's all I can really say is urg. People keep telling me that I should have seen it coming and that I cant expect more from Brian, but I can. I should be able to expect more from the father of my children. I guess I figured out today that he will never change and I have to stop having faith that he will make the changes that he needs to to become a better father and person. Anyway, just had to rant!!!!!

2007-09-08T12:49:00.000-07:00

This is before his haircut, can we say WINGS
BWAAHAAAHAAAHAAAHAAA
Braeden and his bestest cousen Alex
I love my girl!!!!!!!!!!!!!
DAMN SAP!!!!

2007-09-08T12:48:00.000-07:00

Braeden's BIG TRUCK that he got for his birthday!!! He also just got a haircut

Howdy

2007-08-29T15:48:00.000-07:00

So Jen helped me get all set up on here, thanks a lot sis!!!! This is all sorta new for me, but I am excited to try it out!!!! The past year of my life has been one full of bitter tears, fear, anger, regret, tolerance and finally change. As many of you know, or don't, I was married when I was eighteen, barely legal and barely out of high school. I have my two wonderful and stubborn kids, they are my life. I divorced my husband of four years last April, after a long battle and a lot of heartache. I have learned so much through the past year.

First, I have learned that regret is something that only brings you down. Sitting around wondering what could have been different, what I could have done better, it just causes more pain. I have figured it is better to learn from your mistakes and move on than dwell on all of the "what ifs". Life is too short to wonder and wish.

Secondly, I have learned that I am a lot stronger of a person, woman and mother than I ever thought I could be. I have gone through things that I never thought I could get through. Don't get me wrong, I have had a ton of support and at times I feel as though I am walking through mud up to my neck, but I am strong.

Thirdly, I have learned to believe in myself. No matter how many times someone trys to drag you down, be it mental, emotional or physical, YOU are the master of yourself. I am a good person, I am a child of God, I am a good mother, I am smart. No matter what has been chiseled into my head to the contrary, I can believe what I know deep down.

Fourthly, I have learned to believe in my family. My family has been my biggest fans, my strongest supporters and my best friends. As a teenager I used to believe that they didn't care. That is so not the case. If not for my family my children and I would still be in a horrible situation. They gave me strength when I didn't have any. They gave me hope when all I felt was darkness. They gave me love when all I felt was self hatred. They gave me forgiveness when I have made so many mistakes. They have applauded my achievements and supported my decisions. My dad has been such a beacon of strength, so strong and capable, never falling from what he believes. My mom has been my best friend, when I am sad or afraid I can call her and she will always make it better. Jen has been my blinders, always keeping me focused on what was really important and what was the best for me and my children. Daniel has been so kind and loving to my children, always protective of us. Sterl, oh my Sterl, he has been my rock to cling to, always giving me good advice, but telling me straight out when I was being stupid. Russ, he has been my confidant and my friend, so sweet and calm, never letting anything get to him. Thank you all, for everything. I don't think I can every repay what you have done for me.

Well, I think that is enough of that!!!!! I am excited to be on here and be able to communicate with my family and friends!!!!